The following is an actual verbatim transcript of a phone message received from my dear friend Brookie on Friday night, the night of my birthday. The same Brookie that introduced me and Erin. The same Brookie that was in our wedding. It is not embellished as it needs no embellishing. It reminds me a little bit of the Seinfeld episode where Jerry and George remember the Curse Toast:

George: Do you know the last time I wore this thing? Six years ago, when I made that toast at Bobby Leighton's wedding.
Jerry: Ooo, that was a bad toast.
George: It wasn't that bad.
Jerry: I never heard anybody curse in a toast.
George: I was trying to loosen 'em up a little bit.
Jerry: There were old people there, all the relatives. You were like a Red Fox record. I mean, at the end of the toast nobody even drank. They were just standing there, they were just frozen! That might have been one of the worst all time toasts.

And now, without further ado, I present Brooke's version of the toast:

John Charles Dayton, zzzuhhh, what the hell is your last name? Eklund! John Charles Eklund! I wanted to call you Baker for some fucking reason! Hey guess what? I'm drunk. Anyway it's a minute till el, it's six mintues till eleven in Central Standard Time so that means it's, um, six minutes till twelve in... Eastern Standard Time. So it's still your birthday and I want to call you and say happy birthday and that I looooveee you and you probably fucking asleep because you've got to work in the morning, I'm sure. You suck a big fat one you know that? You working in the morning? It's your birthday? What the hell? Come on now, you have to be out partying. Anyway, alright, I got a girl reaching down the back of my pants right now, so ummm, I'm gonna go and, uh, you can call me back at your will, but, you know, I don't want to give you anything to, you know, masturbate on or anything. Tell Erin I said hi and tell Ani I said hi and tell the girls I said hi over at the apartment and at your house and all that and you married now so you can't have no fun. Bye.